omfg.

Ok, so. 

Dad had another Bone Marrow Biopsy this past Tuesday. The doctors were curious to know why his white blood cells hadn't been steadily increasing (they were waiting for the numbers to get high enough so they could blast out this annoying bladder stone that he has). 

I was wondering why they didn't have the results back already. Previous results of his biopsies were given within 24 hours max. Of course, I understand that doctors can get unexpectedly busy, but this was still kinda weird to me. 

As my sister and I were leaving to visit my father (Mom was already there, as she always is- such an amazing wife), we ran into my brother-in-law. He said that Dad asked Stacey, my other sister, to come in tonight instead of tomorrow. "Well, that's kinda weird," we all thought aloud. I called my Mom to see if there was anything she needed to tell me, why was Stacey coming in tonight? But she insisted that nothing new was known. 

However, after we were all at the hospital, my Dad informed us all that the Bone Marrow Biopsy results did indeed come back. They wanted to wait for us all to get there to tell us the news in person.

His cancer has already returned after this immense amount of chemo that was just administered to his body.  EVERYONE was surprised by this, even the doctors.

The doctors said that he had two choices: 

1- Hospice. 

2- Continue to receive the Bone Marrow Transplant, in which there is an increased risk of infection. 

The doctor (Dr. Thompson) said that, given that the only thing surviving in his bone marrow is these asshole cancer cells,  there is about a 5% chance of him surviving the Bone Marrow Transplant.

I am.. what am I? Numb, really. What to do now, what to do. I need to express these feeling somehow. This helps, but. Perhaps I will try to write a poem. Maybe draw some. I don't even know what to say.